Dreams, Stars, Nightmares
by StatlerWaldorf
Summary: KotOR2:TSL Before the Exile was exiled, she was a failure at astronomy... FemExile/Kavar. Oneshot. “When it is darkest, men see the stars.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson


Astronomy had never been Kat's strong suit.

The one time she had tried to take the class, the Master teaching it kindly suggested she try a different science. One in which she would not fall asleep was the goal.

Katrina still had not quite recovered from that, years past though it was, and midnight meditation made her rather antsy despite its aim of relaxation. The stars were out there, she knew, staring right down at her, laughing at her inability to tell an apogee from a zenith. She struggled to keep from opening her eyes and staring them down, as though the stars would notice.

"Katrina." Master Vash's voice was serene, but not to be argued with.

Katrina nodded and tried to focus, but the stars were still there. She could almost see them behind her closed eyes, twinkling for a reason that eluded her, in patterns that she could not understand, pulling things in and moving around, all for the sake of confusing Kat.

"Katrina."

Kat swallowed and opened her eyes. "I apologize, Master Vash."

Master Vash looked at Kat and nodded. Kat's eyes met the ground, and her face warmed as she complied with Master Vash's unspoken suggestion that she leave the group for the time being.

Kat appreciated the warm evening as she moved away from the collective heat of the other students and out across the field.

From this hill, Katrina could see most of the Enclave, a view she had never quite captured before. Still groggy from her attempt at meditation, she did not manage a smile, but the sight warmed her.

_Home._

She could not imagine ever having to leave her, though she supposed she would eventually. Still, it was lovely to watch.

Commotion from just outside the building closest to her drew her attention, and she sat down to listen to the familiar voices.

"It doesn't matter what Revan says," Master Vrook's voice said, "the will of the Council is final."

"Master Vrook, with all due respect," came Master Kavar's voice, "I never intended to suggest that we drop everything and follow Revan. What I'm asking is that we stop hiding the situation, that we _acknowledge_ what practically all the students know is happening anyway. If we try to cover it up, it's only going to hurt _us _as an Enclave."

Master Vrook sighed. "We will discuss this later, Master Kavar. I have a class to attend to."

Master Vrook's footsteps seemed to be moving away, but Kat was surprised to hear the other set of footsteps moving towards her.

Master Kavar nodded. "Katrina."

"Master Kavar."

"Mind if I sit?" He indicated the grass beside her.

Katrina shrugged, and Kavar sat with a sigh.

"What..." The silence had been so complete that Kavar's head turning towards Kat startled her, and she almost decided against asking her question.

She stared at the grass and asked anyway. "What were you talking about?"

Kat looked up to see a sadness marring Kavar's smile. "With Master Vrook?"

She nodded.

Kavar sighed and looked up at the sky. Kat wished she had never asked.

"They're beautiful," he said. He turned to her. "Aren't they?"

Katrina shrugged. "I never finished astronomy."

Kavar laughed. "So?"

Katrina grimaced. "They never let me forget," she said, nodding towards the stars.

"The stars?"

She nodded.

"Kat," he said, "it's not the stars. You're the one who's holding the grudge."

Kat rolled her eyes.

"I know," he said, "it sounds like one of those horrible things that Masters say to confuse their students. I mean that you're the one who blames yourself for failing astronomy."

"Thanks. _That_ helps a _lot_."

Kavar took Katrina's left hand and pointed it to a particularly bright star.

"Do you know what that one is?" he asked.

Kat sighed, frustrated as she tried to remember.

Kavar let go of her arm and put his hand on her back. "Hey," he said, "don't let it get to you. This isn't a test."

She felt her jaw tighten, and from Kavar's expression, she could tell that he did too.

"Breathe," he said. She did.

"Again." She did. Her jaw unlocked.

"All right?"

She nodded. He took her hand again, pointing with her into the sky, teaching her the things she had never understood in her classes, taking all of the sting out of the stars' glitter, putting them in the palm of her hand, comprehensible at last.

"I think," Kavar said after a while, "that's enough for tonight's lecture."

Kat smiled. "So I'm not a complete failure?"

Kavar lay himself down onto the grass. "Far from it. You're a model student, Katrina. You just need to relax."

Kat groaned. "Not my strong suit."

"Well, in that case..." Kavar tugged on Katrina's elbow, encouraging her to lie beside him. Reluctantly, she did.

"Consider this your lab portion of tonight's class," Kavar said. Katrina turned her head to find herself looking Kavar straight in the eye. He half-smiled, and again, Katrina sensed a sadness. She turned back to the stars.

They glittered. For once, they were not mocking her, but... humming to her, almost. Katrina suddenly felt that she wanted to visit them all. She felt that she could, too, that she could do anything now, with the right teacher beside her.

"Revan's leaving," Kavar said.

Katrina's heart beat faster, making her lightheaded. As she sat up and turned to face Kavar at the same time, she stumbled slightly, and Kavar sat up just enough to catch her around the back.

She looked into his face, and understood the sorrow she had perceived earlier.

"You didn't know?"

Kat shook her head. "But everyone else does?"

Kavar sighed. "Most people do. Malak's leaving with her."

Kat frowned. Revan and Malak were very well-liked among many of the students in the Enclave, renowned for their wit. They were charming and charismatic, and it was speculated that they could get away with anything.

This, though... would other students leave the Enclave just to be like Revan and Malak?

Katrina was still wrapped up in Kavar's limbs. Looking back into his face, she had the feeling that he had not finished telling her what was happening.

"Master Kavar?"

"Katrina."

"There's more."

He exhaled, and she felt his muscles tighten in anger, at the same time pulling her in so that her chest was just touching his.

"They're going to fight against the Mandalorians."

Katrina relaxed, not out of relief, but out of shock. The Council had openly forbidden Jedi involvement in the Mandalorian War. How _could_ they?

People would join Revan and Malak if it meant fighting in the War. Kat tried to stay out of other people's business, but she was not oblivious to the frustration that many students felt at noninvolvement.

The news finally hit her central nervous system, and her heart pounded uncontrollably. Kavar frowned.

"I can feel that," he said. He let go of her, and she lay herself back down, this time on her side, curled up, huddled closer to Kavar.

She looked up at the stars. Kavar reached over and stroked her hair, then turned to his side to face her.

"Master Kavar, what happens to Revan and Malak if... if they come back?"

Kavar shut his eyes. "There will be no coming back."

Kat frowned, confused. "What does that mean?"

Kavar sighed, resting his hand on the side of Kat's face before he began to speak again. "If they survive, they will be exiled from the Jedi Order."

The stars were so far away, Katrina thought, looking back up at them.

"It's the only thing to do," Kavar said. "It's an open act of defiance. They know the consequences."

Katrina nodded, unsure if she was satisfied with this answer. She sat up.

"They are beautiful," she said. "I want to see them. All of them. I want to see them... soon."

"Kat." Kavar sat up. "Kat, you're a good student. I don't want to see you throw the Jedi away."

She looked at him and shrugged. "I don't want to throw the Jedi away," she said, standing. Kavar scrambled to his feet.

"You don't have to," he said.

"Who said I was?"

Kavar reached out to Katrina's shoulder, and she shrugged out of reach.

"Why is it allowed for you to cut someone off from the Force, but not for me to save people's lives?"

"Kat, please don't leave. Not because of this."

"Who said I was leaving?"

The silence grew heavy.

"Please," Kavar said, "just promise me that, whatever decision you make, you think about it first. Really think about it."

Katrina looked again at Master Kavar's tired face, and realized that that was what it was. Tired, exhausted; she remembered how he had tried to argue against Master Vrook and gave him the benefit of the doubt, though she could not offer the same to the rest of the Council.

"I promise that I won't do anything based on one conversation, Master Kavar," she said. "Like we agreed..."

Kat walked towards Kavar and reached her palm to his, touching them and then clasping his hand.

She smiled. "...I'm not a complete failure."

Squeezing his hand, she smiled, feeling the sadness that she had seen in Kavar's eyes filling her own.

Letting go, Katrina walked across the grass towards her quarters, looking up at the stars as she did so.

Her fear dissolved when she looked at them. Looking down at the Enclave, though, made her sorrow return.

She would see them, the stars. She would see them all.

Katrina looked back. Master Kavar was looking up at the same stars, and she could see him sigh. Katrina turned away and kept walking forward, eyes to the night sky.

She would see them all _soon_.


End file.
